Tuesday, March 18, 2008

honesty is the worst policy

This evening I joined a few old college friends for our monthly catch-up dinner. We're a random assortment, to be sure, but I may just be the most "random" of the group. Within our small population we have a couple of teachers, two Child Life Specialists, one Leukemia Foundation fundraiser, a couple of marathon runners, a triathlete and two event planners. Those are their professional descriptions, at least. All of the above are card-carrying Bible-toting Baptists who get tipsy after one glass of white zinfandel.

I, well, obviously don't fit any of the above criteria. I think they keep me around for entertainment. That and they're all too sweet to take me off the Evite roster.

Every week we pass around a book that lists the date, the location where the dinner was enjoyed and the name of the person who planned it. It's our responsibility to write our name down as an attendee and then give a short update as to what's going on in our lives (no, seriously - that's what we do... keep in mind I had nothing to do with the tradition). Here are a few excerpts from tonight's dinner (none of them mine):

"I just got married and returned from my honeymoon!! Today was my first day back at work. I've really been looking forward to this dinner but not as much as I'm looking forward to going home to my new hubby!!!"

"Church has been really great lately. I'm running another marathon soon - either New York or Chicago, depending on which accepts me. Wish me luck!"

"Totally enjoying Spring Break!!!!"

"A family is finally moving into our lease house in Durango!! Finally, a family came along with good credit that is the answer to our prayers. Praise Jesus! We can't thank you enough!!!"

As I took my turn with the book, I couldn't help but think about writing the truth - complete with the required exclamation points.

"I saw Most Serene Republic last weekend and got so hammered that I barely remember my best friend's boyfriend trying to attack me while I was passed out in their bed! I went to visit my parents this weekend even though I really wanted to stay in town for an all-day drunk fest! I picked tonight's dinner location but I really wish I had a bottle of wine to help me get through it! Instead I'm going to drink this water because it's totally better for me!! The girl two seats down from me ordered a medium vegetable pizza but is "taking home" all but the one piece that she ate because she has an eating disorder which is evidenced by her skeletal body structure, gaunt face and malnourished hair!!! The girl who just got back from her honeymoon's husband just touched her boobies for the first time in 3.5 years while she was in the Dominican Republic contracting a urinary tract infection! 'The Honeymooner's Disease' - how cute is that??? Especially considering that the general consensus is that he's A Closet Gay!!! I've also been having recurring dreams about my best guy friend who is also my ex-boyfriend-type-person - things get tricky when you get older, right?!?!?!?!"

Needless to say, I didn't write any of this. But I thought it.

What would you have written, should the truth dare you to expose it?


Slightly Disorganized said...

apparently you hang out with churchies.

intertsting. that was a curve ball not lisa. didn't expect that one.

not lisa said...

I lived with them every day of my college career but now only hang out with them at this once-a-month dinner. These girls are a by-product of my Southern Baptist upbringing and my parents forcing my hand in choosing a college. Love (most of) them to death, but we are quite different. And how.