Friday, April 24, 2009

white trash is the new classy

In order to give you a snapshot of the past two weeks that I've had, allow me to paint for you a pretty picture of my after-work activity this fine Friday evening:

- leave the office carrying 23 giant Post-Its full of ideas to be written up and thought through over the weekend
- head straight to nearest liquor store
- walk in apartment and make myself a business workin' man's cocktail (Jameson with a splash of water)
- beeline for my balcony to enjoy aforementioned cocktail, a Parliament Light and a single-serve bag of Cheddar Jalapeno Cheetos

I am one Red Bull and vodka away from redefining myself as Britney Lynn. God, I hope I'm not pregnant with Federline's baby.

Monday, April 13, 2009

more fun with quotes

The other day, a friend of mine felt the need to threaten another friend of ours. Most people would resign themselves to a simple "shut up or I'll beat your face" or "quit it before I tell Mom." Not my friend. His retaliation if his demands were not met: "I will haunt your balls."

As if this statement isn't fantastic enough - because who wouldn't shudder in fear at the thought of a ball-haunting? - he went on to elaborate.

"Oh, yes - I will haunt your balls. I will bury your balls alive in an Indian burial ground, build a house on top of it, and force you to live there - sans balls. Then one day I'll crawl out of the TV set to get you."

I love my friends.